Page 2 February 20, 2020
Your Neighborhood
Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
My partner and I are recently engaged.
Over the course of our engagement we
have discovered that we think about money
completely differently. I am extremely careful
with money and refuse to accumulate
significant debt, even if it means passing
on things I can probably afford. My partner
spends more freely and has some debt, and
is also now unemployed, but is confident
of his job prospects and believes that major
lifestyle cutbacks could lead him into depression.
This has led to fights and stress that I
am afraid will ruin our relationship. Is there
anything we can do?
– H.A., El Segundo
Do you get the sense that either of you will
suddenly and completely alter the way you
feel about money matters because you’re so
in love with each other? Just like the way a
Dodgers fan will suddenly and completely
become a Giants fan because their spouse is
from San Francisco?
Yeah, me neither. Some things run too deep.
Most of us “learn” early in life that our
own thinking about money is both correct
and - here’s the kicker - moral. This creates
huge problems for so many couples
because we think about money in so many
different ways.
For example, our culture urges us to save.
Save for a rainy day. Save for college. Invest
for retirement. Be responsible and do the
banks’ bidding to have great credit.
But our culture also urges us to spend. We
call ourselves “consumers.” Advertisements
implore us to buy things we do not need.
Magazines and influencers tell us what we
“must-have” (and leave us feeling inadequate
if we cannot afford it). The closest things we
have to town squares are shopping malls.
In a world that gives us conflicting messages
about our finances, where children get piggy
banks and then get spoiled, is it possible
to see each other’s point of view regarding
money, even if you do not ultimately agree?
These are hard conversations because they
involve judgment and power, but you must
have them if you want to address the problem.
Try to approach these conversations with
kindness towards each other. Find a moment
or a place where you have found you can
both speak openly. Agree that if things get
too heated too quickly, you will table the
conversation and try again later. If that is too
fraught, consider having it with a professional
who will help you decide together how to
move forward.
I hope you get there, but it is possible
that the differences are too great. You may
decide that your partner does in fact have a
character flaw. Can you live with this flaw?
Can you protect your own finances even
while your partner may struggle? Will that
be okay with both of you?
You probably do share goals. You might
even find that you appreciate certain aspects of
your partner’s thinking. And you may discover
ways to notice and ameliorate the inevitable
effects that your differences will have on each
other. Not all love conquers all problems, but
sometimes it’s enough to get you through.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world. Tom
Andre is an Associate Marriage & Family
Therapist (AMFT96089) supervised by Chris
Thomas (MFT78020). The information in this
column is for educational purposes only and
nothing herein should be construed as professional
advice or the formation of a therapeutic
relationship. •
Keeping Coronavirus
in Perspective
Kaiser Permanente Infectious
Disease Physician Urges
Public Not to Panic
As hardly a day goes by without the
coronavirus dominating the headlines, many
people are rightfully concerned and wondering
what steps they should take to protect
themselves and their loved ones.
Although taking precautions is important,
Dr. Jonathan T. Truong, an infectious disease
physician with Kaiser Permanente Southern
California, notes it’s important not to overreact.
“The coronavirus should be a cause of
concern, but not alarm or panic,” he explained.
“The quarantine process of people who are
being evacuated from China has been effective
in controlling the spreading of the disease in
America. As such, we need to keep things
in perspective.”
For example, Dr. Truong noted there have
been no deaths in the US so far resulting
from the coronavirus. In contrast, he said
between 200,000 and 400,000 Americans
get hospitalized due to complications form
the flu each year, and as many as 60,000
die from it.
“We know that influenza is infectious and
it kills, and we have a vaccine for it – let’s
focus on that!” he said. “It’s important to
be aware of coronavirus, but we have an
opportunity to help prevent 50,000 to 60,000
deaths a year with a flu shot. Despite that,
only about half of the US population gets
vaccinated.”
When it comes to catching the coronavirus,
the chances are slim unless one has
recently returned from China, has been in close
contact with a person who’s returned from
China and is infected by the disease, or
if you’re someone who’s taking care of
a coronavirus patient without wearing protective
gear.
Simple precautions such as washing your
hands frequently with soap or alcohol-based
gel, not touching your eyes, mouth or face,
cooking your food thoroughly, and keeping
a distance of at least six feet from anyone
who has a respiratory illness will help protect
your health, Dr. Truong said.
He noted coronavirus symptoms include
coughing, fever, shortness of breath and
difficulty breathing. If someone exhibits
those symptoms, Dr. Truong advised seeking
medical attention. “If you’re sick, wear
a mask so you don’t spread it,” he noted.
“If you need to see a doctor, it’s best to call
ahead. We want to be prepared to prioritize
your case, and avoid spreading infection to
other patients.”
As for buying a common mask for additional
protection against coronavirus, Dr.
Truong said that is not advisable unless it
is an N-95 mask that also must be fitted
for maximum protection. Those masks are
primarily used by health care professionals,
and there’s a shortage of them currently due
to the outbreak of the coronavirus.
“The bottom line is we need to take a
step back and not overreact,” Dr. Truong
noted. “Yes, we should be concerned about
the spreading of the coronavirus. However,
so far, this disease has had minimal impact
on our population. Preventing the flu is a
much more urgent matter, and I encourage
everyone to get vaccinated.”
– Provided by Kaiser Permanente •
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THURSDAY, FEB. 20
• ELF Story Time (Early Literacy for Families),
11:30 AM. – 12:15 PM., ages birth
– 4 yrs, Inglewood Public Library, 101 W.
Manchester Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
• Family Crafts, 4:00 PM. – 5:15 PM., Inglewood
Public Library, 101 W. Manchester
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
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ages 5-12, Hawthorne Library, 12700
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679-8193.
FRIDAY, FEB. 21
• Teen Club, 3:00 PM. – 4:30 PM., Inglewood
Public Library, 101 W. Manchester
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
• MAKMO: Binary Bracelets & Keychains,
3:00 PM. – 4:00 PM., Hawthorne Library,
12700 Grevillea Ave, Hawthorne, Call:
310-679-8193.
SATURDAY, FEB. 22
• Family Story Time, 1:00 PM., Crenshaw –
Imperial Branch Library, 11141 Crenshaw
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5403.
• Super Smash Bros. Tournament, 12:00 PM.
– 4:00 PM., Inglewood Public Library, 101
W. Manchester Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
• Cyber Kids Jr., 10:30 AM. – 12:30 PM.,
Inglewood Public Library, 101 W. Manchester
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5645.
• Family Story Time, 2:30 PM., Inglewood
Public Library, 101 W. Manchester Blvd.,
Call: 310-412-5380.
MONDAY, FEB. 24
• STEM Activities for Kids, 3:30 PM., Crenshaw
– Imperial Branch Library, 11141
Crenshaw Blvd., Call: 310-412-5403.
• Cyber Kids Class, 4:00 PM. – 6:00 PM.,
Inglewood Public Library, 101 W. Manchester
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5645.
• Bilingual Story Time, 1:00 PM. –
1:45 PM., ages 3-5, Inglewood Public
Library, 101 W. Manchester Blvd., Call:
310-412-5645.
TUESDAY, FEB. 25
• Brick Building, 3:30 PM. – 4:30 PM., free,
Crenshaw Imperial Branch Library, 11141
Crenshaw Blvd., Call: 310-412-5403.
• Cyber Tweens Class, 4:00 PM. – 6:00
PM., Inglewood Public Library, 101 W.
Manchester Blvd., Call: 310-412-5645.
• Chess for Adults, 5:00 PM., free, Inglewood
Public Library, 101 W. Manchester
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
• Hawthorne City Council Meeting, 6:00
PM., Hawthorne City Hall, 4455 W. 126th
Street.
WEDNESDAY, FEB. 26
• Building Bricks/Board Games, 3:30 PM.,
free, Inglewood Public Library, 101 W.
Manchester Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
• Inglewood Visionaries Toastmasters Club
#4404 Meeting, 6:00 PM., Inglewood
Center for Spiritual Living, 525 No.
Market St., For more info: www.ing4404.
toastmastersclubs.org
• Family Story Time, 5:00 PM. – 6:30 PM.,
Inglewood Public Library, 101 W. Manchester
Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
THURSDAY, FEB. 27
• ELF Story Time (Early Literacy for Families),
11:30 AM. – 12:15 PM., ages birth
– 4 yrs, Inglewood Public Library, 101 W.
Manchester Blvd., Call: 310-412-5380.
• Terrific Thursdays: Family Movie, 4:00
PM. – 5:00 PM., Inglewood Public
Library, 101 W. Manchester Blvd., Call:
310-412-5380. •
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Libretto LLC seeks Economist in
(El Segundo, CA) to contribute to
an empirically-driven investment
methodology with a high standard
of rigor. Req’s Doctorate in Ecnmcs,
Finance, or r’ltd. EOE. For all reqs
& to apply, see online link: http://
bit.ly/jTEC1
View Office. 426 Main St. Downtown
El Segundo, 850 sf. New floor, private
restroom/kitchenette. Message
310.444.6397.
House for Rent
Must See! (2) Remodeled Houses
for Rent in LA. (3) Bedrooms (2)
Bathrooms $2750. (2) Bedrooms (1)
Bathroom $2150. Call (310) 405-3863
Room for Rent
Newly remodeled building,
furnished 1 bedroom. Clean, quiet
neighborhood, near park. Beautiful
view. $550 deposit, $1100/month.
(310) 989-4319.
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WANTED. Vinyl, vinyl, vinyl records,
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We sell for you on EBAY. Studio
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