The Weekly Newspaper of Inglewood
Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 69, No. 30 - July 23, 2020
Providing Meals for Our Community
Thank you to Golden State Water and US Bank for sponsoring 100 meals to the Inglewood community. Thank you to BYD for providing hand sanitizer and masks. We also appreciate Board Member Dexter Hall for helping with distribution. Photo courtesy Inglewood Airport
Area Chamber of Commerce.
Your Neighborhood Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
My job performance review is next week,
and I am dreading it. My boss has said I “lead
with empathy,” but she did not mean it as a
compliment. She was explicit that she expected
me to be harder on the team I manage and
prioritize my own needs over theirs more
often. I don’t think I can do that: a lot of my
team members are vulnerable both financially
and emotionally, especially in a pandemic. I
am afraid I’ll get a bad review because I’m
too “nice.” How should I think about how to
handle this situation?
- Too Nice, El Segundo
Dear Too Nice,
As you well know, almost every organization
and every person claims to value kindness. But
that claim does not make it true. Organizations,
especially, appreciate kindness. They
encourage it. But they do not value it in the
sense of assigning a monetary or other worth
to it. And because that is the case, kindness
is often expendable, somewhere down on the
“nice to have” list.
The same is often true with people. Everywhere
from the schoolyard to the sales team
to the boardroom to government, we see that
people who are unkind to others sometimes
hold positions of power. Perhaps this is part
of why so often, kindness is mistaken for
weakness or powerlessness.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Here’s why:
People, who are kind, often get sandwiched,
trying to protect the less powerful from the
impulses of the more powerful. I see this
every week in the people I meet with: there
is a heavy price for being nice.
I suspect you know this already - or at the
very least, you feel it - because you are quite
literally “taking one for the team” as your boss
tries to pressure them, through you. People
do not always realize when they are choosing
kindness, but that is exactly what you have
done so far. And in this case - as is far too
common - it is coming at a cost. That requires
a great deal of strength, indeed.
I am not saying, “stay strong and keep
taking it for the team.” Each circumstance is
different. Even if you are the most considerate
person on earth, it’s not always worth it. So
that is the question you have to answer: what
is the price that your commitment to kindness
is asking you to pay, and is it worth it?
And while we’re at it, remember it’s not
just a commitment to kindness or decency
that carries a price. So does any commitment
to support a value or a lifestyle that may be
different from others in your community. Being
different, or outspoken, or even quiet - these
are not signs of weakness. It’s just the opposite.
Good luck with your review. No matter how
it goes moving forward, the people who work
on your team are better off for having you,
even if they may never know it.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world.
Tom Andre is a Licensed Marriage & Family
Therapist (LMFT119254). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •
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